Preface: A very good friend of mine is getting married. Having travelled this road, I sometimes offer advice to help him through - other times, I just make fun. Here I make fun.
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Ah. And the days continue to dwindle in Singledom.
She gets frustrated when you can't proffer a position on where to place Aunt Sue and Uncle Mac. "But honey, you know they had a fight with Cousin Margaret last year… If I put them within 10 yards of each other - we'll see the mashed potatoes start a-flyin'!" … Your only hope- a simple "yes, dear" and a prayer that her intuitive skills will lead the place cards in the right direction…
"What about that friend, Jane? Can I put her with that other chic Tracy?"… Where upon your mind wanders - delicicously - to a mental episode of what "putting them together" might entail… "Richard!" Your intended brings you back to consciousness and you remind her that it doesn't matter… "I only want you to be happy, sweetie." She shrugs and sighs, tells you she loves you and gets back to the quantum physics and algebraic analysis of guest placement.
Where's that to-do list? You know that there was something important to do today? Ah yes, head count to the caterer. But how many vegan plates did we need? Or were we having a buffet? You start to walk back into the dining room where she's diligently working only to recall her imploring statement as you left the house this morning…"Don't forget we have 75 regular… hum in nuh, hum in nuh… blah bli di blah… " You saw the new EXP from Bentley drive by… damn, that Johnson down the street… I can't believe he actually bought one… hum in num…. Yes, dear. I love you too… I'll call you later… And now… Dammit. Doesn't she realize that cars and boobs are the only things that drive a man's imagination?
Stay tuned for next week's installment… "One of the groomsmen announces that the bachelor party is taking place at Hedonism… "
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